A Letter To The One Who Broke My Heart

Dear Boy with the Crooked Smile,

     Hi, it's me. Remember: the girl who used to dry your eyes of stray tears; the girl who used to give you the full attention you demanded whenever you would go off on one of your tangents, so eager to hear the sound of your own voice; the girl who used to stay up till 5 AM, despite the sleep glazing over her eyes, just because you battled insomnia as much as she battled self-doubt; the girl who used to whisper sweet-nothing's in your ear, even whenever you would tell her that her voice was too loud; the girl who used to suffer the "you-deserve-better"s and the "i-heard-he's-been-sneaking-around-with"s because she had faith in you- too much faith.
     If I had known what I know now- how deeply you would end up betraying me- can I guarantee that I would have gave up even one second of the time I spent with you to spare me from the hurt? No, I am not certain that, even though you hurt me worse than any physical wound could, I would have left you sooner, before you had the chance to shred my heart into shrapnel.
     Oh, the sweet taste of ignorance. Before I knew how you fantasized about the dimples at the bottom of her spine; before i knew how you were a fiend for the taste of her mouth; before I knew how you escaped to the curve of her hips when I wasn't anywhere to be found- out of sight, out of mind- before all of this, I was blissfully unaware yet tragically in love.
     Somehow, in retrospect, despite the fact that you have forever tainted my heart and my ability to trust, I can't bring myself to hate you; I can't bring myself to regret the time I wasted on you; and I can't bring myself to regret all of the secrets I shared with you.
     Although it was brief, you brought color into my gray world. You painted the town not only red, but also orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple...
     Yes, the colors did fade the minute your hand fell from my grasp. In fact, the darkness seemed to deepen once you were gone, but at the least I had these ghosts of memories.
     It's been a year since you ripped me apart at every seam as you ever-so-greedily plucked my heart from its stringed cage and dragged it in the dirt, leaving a trail of rusty mud that spelled out my despair. My heart, along with myself as a whole, has changed. Once you stole my world and erased the colors I had grown fond of, it gave me motivation- a reason to pick myself up off the cold, hard floor of depression and self-hatred. When you left me, you took half of me with you. But, the other half that was left behind, well, it got stronger. It grew and grew and grew until it was twice the size as both halves put together. The newfound strength I learned to harness from the pain I was suffering was strong enough to rebuild a new world with much more vibrant colors.


                                                                                                     Yours Truly,
                                                                                                              The Girl with the Crooked Heart